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Games Should Be Like Female Orgasms

Zonk posted about 9 years ago | from the y-chromosome-is-a-joke dept.

Games 201

Gamers with Jobs has an excellent look at the pacing of games, and their resemblance to sexual response cycles. From the article: "The female sexual response cycle appears as a gradual (sometimes maddeningly so) upward slope from excitement to orgasm, with several 'false peaks' in the plateau region. Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation. The male cycle differs radically. The transition from excitement to plateau in men is rather rapid, represented by a near-vertical line. The plateau stage is then almost horizontal for varying amounts of time (see: premature ejaculation) followed by another extremely rapid ascent into orgasm. Playing video games often reminds me of the above."

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by the way (4, Funny)

zr-rifle (677585) | about 9 years ago | (#13287370)

DO NOT LET Dr. Mario touch your genitals! He is NOT a real doctor!!!

awesome. (2, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287376)

Best. Worded. Post. Evar.

Re:awesome. (1)

StingRay02 (640085) | about 9 years ago | (#13287830)

Careful now. Draw too much attention to this post and Jack Thompson may sue /., you, me, and everybody else involved in the proliferation of this AO post. I mean, to use cunnilingus and video games in the same post, that's gotta be against the ESRB's classification for a rated M post. Who knows, it might prompt young, highly impressionable and unable-to-care-for-themselves children (read: 16 year olds) to go on a search for orgasms, and we all know that's downright EVIL.

You idiots! (5, Insightful)

Henry V .009 (518000) | about 9 years ago | (#13287378)

For months, Slashdot has been posting story after story trying to make itself more female friendly and to lure women into gaming.

Now, you've undone it all with this one crass story. Good job!

Re:You idiots! (4, Insightful)

eddy the lip (20794) | about 9 years ago | (#13287734)

That sums it up pretty well. I could care less about not-safe-for-work stories, and my crass-o-meter goes to eleven most days, but this is juvenile.

Given the stories that have been getting posted lately, I'm wondering if Zonk isn't someone's 14 year old kid brother, or maybe some /. editor meta-troll joke being played on us.

I've never complained about stories or editors here before. There are all those handy checkboxes that mean I don't need to see what I don't want to be bothered with. But I think the senior editors need to figure out if they want Slashdot to be an interesting source of news and ephemera, or if they'd rather just watch it degrade to another fanboy site. With stories like this, that's where it's going.

Re:You idiots! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13288061)

Where do you work that the phrase 'female orgasm' isn't ok? The comparison is almost clinical, and there are no pictures (other than a graph, and that's inside the article itself). Puritans, bah.

Re:You idiots! (2, Interesting)

eddy the lip (20794) | about 9 years ago | (#13288155)

I'm replying to an AC, but only because what you say is very funny - I'm a loooong way from puritan, and I work from home, so work safe (as I mentioned) is a total non-issue for me. It's certainly not the phrase "female orgasm" that bugs me. It's the utter idiocy of the story. This is the kind of thing you expect to hear in a locker room, not a site with fun geek stuff. Even for the games section, this is a new low in content quality.

Re:You idiots! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13288340)

Yeah, but what about "(see: premature ejaculation)"? Zonk fails it, the pervert.

Re:You idiots! (1)

Momoru (837801) | about 9 years ago | (#13288375)

When you have a female boss and female coworkers, you really don't want to be seen reading an article "about" female orgasms in the workplace...its just not professional and someone could find a way to make a big case about it.

Re:You idiots! (2, Interesting)

haystor (102186) | about 9 years ago | (#13288073)

I'm done with Zonk.

Re:You idiots! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13288035)

Let's not forget from the y-chromosome-is-a-joke dept.

remember, this is slashdot (5, Funny)

kwoff (516741) | about 9 years ago | (#13287382)

As if anybody here knows what a female orgasm is like. :)

Re:remember, this is slashdot (2, Funny)

nocomment (239368) | about 9 years ago | (#13287730)

Of course they do!! They've seen it a million times on various sites all across the internet.

Re:remember, this is slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287764)

I'm tired of hearing about the femail orgasm. I mean, I've had sex with some different women (yes, even a nerd on /. can manage to have sex with more than 2 women in his lifetime), and I've never yet seen one have an orgasm. They just aren't real.

And I've never seen or found a g-spot yet, either.

Re:remember, this is slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287835)

Not true. It is real, but, some women are just not capable of having them from regular sex. For some, it's a mental thing, and for others, it's a stimulation problem. I've been with 31 women, and about half were able to achieve orgasm through intercourse. The rest were only able to achieve it through oral.

There are some studies which investigate that it's a genetic issue, mostly likely associated with the number of nerve endings in different regions.

Re:remember, this is slashdot (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287852)

Don't know how you're smart enough to end up with that many women when you're not even smart enough to pick up on sarcasm.

Unless you're a jock.

Clue Stick (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13288132)

Well you know, when you pop you little thingy in, and it goes off 45 seconds later, that's not really enough time to work a female up to orgasm. Perhaps you should take some advice from all those emails and buy som Viagra?

But... (1)

jolande (852630) | about 9 years ago | (#13287793)

I like playing games that exist.

My wife tells me... (1)

Fished (574624) | about 9 years ago | (#13288188)

Nerds make the best lovers. Because all we think about is sex, so of course we're good at it.

Of course, I've never quite had the courage to ask what her basis for comparison was :|

What the hell? (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287385)

Seriously. Do we need to compare video games to sex? I'm fairly certain most people reading this site won't even understand the references while the other half just got their web revoked on account of viewing a possibly pornographic website.

Re:What the hell? (4, Insightful)

JavaRob (28971) | about 9 years ago | (#13288016)

It would be excusable if the article managed to provide any useful insight through the analogy. But no, it's just the same old revelation that pacing a game well is hard to do, and many games get it wrong. But now it's wrapped up in the orgasm analogy to make it titillating (woo, I just said 'tit', huh huh), for the benefit of every teenager out there who wets himself at the mention of sex. Guess what, guys -- basically every human activity can be related or compared to sex in some way ( in the beginning it's hard work, but I get into the swing of things, and I'm taking deductions here and stapling on W-2's there, then wow, I file my taxes and I get such a rush, and every time I do it I learn more tricks and it's easier!). But if it doesn't reveal any new insight, you're wasting your time.

Oh, and I almost forgot - the article author gets to make comments like this:
I'm not going to spend more than five words here bragging about how awesome I am in the sack. Suffice to say: I am.

Lovely. Flock this way, ladies, because a GIFT has just arrived for YOU, and it's from GOD.

Re:What the hell? (1)

manno (848709) | about 9 years ago | (#13288142)

Come on mod this up this was funny as hell. You summed it up way better than I did.

Wow... (5, Funny)

GypC (7592) | about 9 years ago | (#13287390) just went down under a massive number of requests for this url us

Re:Wow... (4, Funny)

pyrrhonist (701154) | about 9 years ago | (#13287451)

Everyone who didn't look it up is a cunning linguist.

Re:Wow... (4, Funny)

Kaimelar (121741) | about 9 years ago | (#13287489) just went down under a massive number of requests for this url

A most appropiate turn of phrase, I think.

Re:Wow... (3, Funny)

yotto (590067) | about 9 years ago | (#13287655) us

That has got to be the best place slashdot has ever chopped a url.

Oh great... (2, Funny)

Incongruity (70416) | about 9 years ago | (#13287396)

Now /. isn't even work safe for me! D'Oh!

Re:Oh great... (1)

NeMon'ess (160583) | about 9 years ago | (#13287673)

Why? Is the big bad filter gonna catch the bad clinical words and spank you? (2, Funny)

SeekerDarksteel (896422) | about 9 years ago | (#13287397)

Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.

Weeeell that pretty much excludes everyone who would actually be reading this article. ^_^

On a side note...what...the...fuck? Just....what the fuck....yeah I got nothin else. (5, Funny)

pyrrhonist (701154) | about 9 years ago | (#13287481)

Weeeell that pretty much excludes everyone who would actually be reading this article. ^_^

Yeah, who has hardwood floors? (5, Funny)

bcattwoo (737354) | about 9 years ago | (#13287695)

Yeah, who has hardwood floors?

and in their mom's basement, no less? (1)

GTRacer (234395) | about 9 years ago | (#13287514)

Huh...I've done the first part of that, but what does being on a hardwood floor have to do with it?

- was one of only three to get the "cunning linguist" joke in TND (1)

linzeal (197905) | about 9 years ago | (#13287833)

Every bit of pleasure you are giving her is pain for your knees as they are ablated by pressure and rocking. I suggest a big throw pillow and oriental carpets everywhere, but what do I know I just live in a fucking Victorian with hardwood floors. It is way easier to do it on the floor with her legs over your head with her on the bed in a mountain of pillows so the poster does a have point of being on the floor but the fact that he had not developed pillow technology tells a story of being made-up or the only time he ever did get to kiss a woman's sideways smile was once drunkenly in a bar afterhours.

heh (1)

syrinx (106469) | about 9 years ago | (#13287403)

Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.

Cue the 'but this is slashdot' jokes.

This is, by far, (2, Insightful)

BlackCobra43 (596714) | about 9 years ago | (#13287411)

The lewdest and most disgusting submission I've ever read.

Do go on

You REALLY need to get out more... (1)

Fished (574624) | about 9 years ago | (#13287421)

Dude ... you really need to get out more, if you're connecting video games to orgasms.

I haven't performed cunnilingus myself, but ... (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287429)

... I've seen it performed by two lesbians while choking mah chicken. Does that count?

Re:I haven't performed cunnilingus myself, but ... (1)

Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) | about 9 years ago | (#13287502)

... I've seen it performed by two lesbians while choking mah chicken. Does that count?

Yes, as it is the only way that any slashdotter including the "editor" Zonk would EVER know of such a thing. Clearly, this "story" is inspired by some sick geek porn of some kind. If it where not for porn and hookers, Zonk and his fellow "editors" would not even know what a pussy looked like, let alone cunnilingus.

Re:I haven't performed cunnilingus myself, but ... (1, Informative)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287550)

Yes, I didn't understand the summary either, especially at this sentence: "Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation." Huh? Zonk was probably masturbating when clicking Submit at there mere thought induced due to reading that sentence.

Re:I haven't performed cunnilingus myself, but ... (1)

reidbold (55120) | about 9 years ago | (#13287645)

I think most people (guys, slashdot readers) might learn about cunnilingus by licking a girl's vagina. I doubt it's just me.

Re:I haven't performed cunnilingus myself, but ... (3, Informative)

Nytewynd (829901) | about 9 years ago | (#13288026)

Maybe you should do some research. Not many women are all that excited about getting their vagina licked.

There's no news here... Just ask Bushnell (4, Interesting)

Rahga (13479) | about 9 years ago | (#13287439)

There's a Nolan Bushnell interview linked to slashdot somewhere in the last two years where he talks about Atari's past and part of Breakout's design. He mentioned that one of the intentional goals, though the player didn't realize it, was to encourage the player to get the ball "stuck" so that the game would play by itself for a short while. The player gets a break from the paddle while watching the fireworks, feels a sense of accomplishment by getting the game to do that, and can get back into the game after that brief interlude.

Re:There's no news here... Just ask Bushnell (1)

Elwood P Dowd (16933) | about 9 years ago | (#13287487)

Mod parent up.

Only interesting comment possible given this BS story.

Re:There's no news here... Just ask Bushnell (1)

reidbold (55120) | about 9 years ago | (#13287589)

Do most not usually realize this? I always took some pride in getting the ball up there.

Re:There's no news here... Just ask Bushnell (1)

shoptroll (544006) | about 9 years ago | (#13287761)

Interesting. I know in Alleyway (Nintendo's breakout clone in the first year of the Game Boy) you could easily pull that off in the first level without a whole lot of effort.

Re:There's no news here... Just ask Bushnell (1)

Nytewynd (829901) | about 9 years ago | (#13287834)

How did anyone not realize it? The first thing I did was to try to dig a tunnel straight to the top so I could take out the blocks.

Overreaching the comparison... (4, Funny)

ZiZ (564727) | about 9 years ago | (#13287440)


They're saying that games should be impossible for most men to understand, considered "dirty" and "taboo" by a surprisingly large number of women, portrayed horribly incorrectly by popular and underground media, ranked as FAR WORSE THAN BRUTAL MURDERS by the 'conservative' factions (and heaven forbid six-year-old Billy should know about a game, when he could be watching healthy shows about cops brutalizing criminals brutalizing passerby brutalizing cops)...

...Well, I guess the comparison is pretty valid.

That is SO lame (0, Offtopic)

toygeek (473120) | about 9 years ago | (#13287449)

Slashdot just lost a reader for life. I don't need this kind of garbage when I go to a place for TECH NEWS. The editor who posted this should be fired!

Re:That is SO lame (3, Funny)

TEMM (731243) | about 9 years ago | (#13287495)

But without Slashdot you will be totally alone... is that a smart move?

Re:That is SO lame (1)

p4ul13 (560810) | about 9 years ago | (#13287507)

Whoah whoa, remember to breath.

Calm-o. Calm-o.

Please remember to take your ritalin tomorrow.

Re:That is SO lame (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287558)

Do you think a dictionary is garbage also? It's got all the words the post did, plus lots of other fun ones. Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits = Feces, Urine, Sex, Vagina, fellater, motherfucker, breasts. Words is words, don't be so childish.

Re:That is SO lame (1)

snorklewacker (836663) | about 9 years ago | (#13287612)

I'm with you. It's not the material (I think it's actually rather clever). I'm most certainly not prudish, and the job I work at certainly doesn't care what material I see (it's right in my contract that I'll probably see objectionable material as part of my job) ... but just the crassness and overall deficit of worthwhile content on slashdot in favor of truly juvenile crap, with no aim toward being either news for nerds, or stuff that matters

I'll miss some people here, and perhaps an interesting story. But the net contribution of slashdot to my life is now negative.


chuck nee snorklewacker nee scrytch

Premature? (1)

UberMenchier (906078) | about 9 years ago | (#13287477)

Would the premature ejaculation of video games be when a game is so fun that you finish it within a week of purchase? (As I did with GTA:VC and GTA:SA) It was a lot of fun, but I felt cheated since I was just getting warmed up and BAM... it's over.

The thing I actually hate most is impotence. When you play a game that is loads of fun, but just as your getting into it you reach a spot that is impossibly difficult and frustrates the hell out of you because you just can't FINISH.

- "I swear, this has never happened to me before. I must be stressed."

Re:Premature? (1)

I(rispee_I(reme (310391) | about 9 years ago | (#13288002)

See Ninja Gaiden for XBOX.
Currently stuck on the Tank-Tank-Helicopter fight, where it won't let you backtrack to buy potions.

That's it (0, Redundant)

snorklewacker (836663) | about 9 years ago | (#13287490)

Slashdot has officially worn out its welcome for the limited amount of time I have left in my life. I quit slashdot once before by banging then pasting random letters into the change password dialog. Now here's my new solution:
Doesn't get it all, but it should suffice as a deterrent.


That's *not* it (2, Funny)

crow (16139) | about 9 years ago | (#13287765)

Nope, that's not it, it seems. I see that you're still posting 25 minutes later. And even in the same story.

Re:That's *not* it (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287945)

I've got a good solution, every time the gp reads slashdot, he should cut off his penis.

Re:That's it (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13288402)

You'll be back, and your contributions will be ignored then as well.

Warcraft III? (1)

daeley (126313) | about 9 years ago | (#13287510)

Drew: "I'm thinking about playing that new game from Blizzard. If things go right I might be showing off my O-face. You know: WHOSYOURDADDY or better yet LEAFITTOME. Oh! Oh!"

Re:Warcraft III? (1)

BrianRaker (633638) | about 9 years ago | (#13287552)

Do you touch the other characters like this?

Re:Warcraft III? (1)

Nytewynd (829901) | about 9 years ago | (#13287868)

Why are you touching me?

i think that... (1)

araczynski (265221) | about 9 years ago | (#13287519)

...anyone with enough time on their hands to do this kind of an analogy obviously doesn't do enough of either (gaming or cunningulus), and just spends too much time thinking about both, while doing something 'else'.

Oh for fuck's sake. (4, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287520)

Can we please get rid of Zonk, already?

Seriously, please?

I know he can be filtered, but since he's come on board the other editors seem to have stopped posting. Probably because he posts approximately 5000 pointless and often duplicate articles EVERY SINGLE DAY and there's no longer room for anyone else. I've noticed lately he seems to be spreading his blob-like appendages into the other sections, a growing blight on an already blight-filled website.

Zonk: just because you read something online doesn't mean you have to post it.

I know I can't be the only one who feels this way. Feel free to chime in and we'll all ride the mod-o-vator to the basement together. Maybe we can give each other orgasms on the way down while we search for the elusive female gamer.


SEX! (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287523)

Now that we've got your attention, please read this story and post your comments so that we can increase ad impressions!

Re:SEX! (1)

cei (107343) | about 9 years ago | (#13287706)

Yeah, I was just thinking, does slashdot have the equivalent of ratings sweeps to try to impress the advertisers?

renovation time! (1)

fixer007 (851350) | about 9 years ago | (#13287539)

Looks like I'm gonna have to get myself a hardwood floor in the bedroom! ...For whenever I get someone in there that I could perform that specific act on...

Think of the children!! (1)

Gadren (891416) | about 9 years ago | (#13287569)

Now all the whiny politicians will latch onto this article and talk about how video games are sexual training exercises. Won't somebody think of the children?!?!

Next week's dupe (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287574)

I can see next week's dupe of this story already..

Games Should Be Like When You Shove Your Cock Down A Chick's Throat

Re:Next week's dupe (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287942)

Mod parent up!!!

So true!

A lot are already (4, Funny)

FidelCatsro (861135) | about 9 years ago | (#13287579)

So if games should be like those female orgasms they should
1:) Take ages and be boring for male players
2:) be often faked
3:) Hard for us men to find the controls
4:) have many sequels
5:) be more approachable for solo players
6:) be featured in cosmopolitan constantly

Now are half those things , not things we would want to avoid in games

Crap. (1)

Joehonkie (665142) | about 9 years ago | (#13287582)

That was worse than the Katamari review posted a few weeks ago! It's just some pathetic attempt by some idiot to show off how much he thinks he knows about sex in the form of a badly written gaming article.

Come to think of it (1)

Hyksos (595814) | about 9 years ago | (#13287584)

Everything should be like a female orgasm :D

Orgasm contest (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287587)

Just so you all know, there is great variability in orgasmic response. My girlfriend and I have msturbated together to see who can finish first, and she wins every time. I get to jerk off onto her ass as a consolation prize, though.

I don't know why she can come so fast, but I take a long time because I've trained myself to. I can go for hours without coming.

AC for the obvious reason.

Offensed easily (2)

Spez (566714) | about 9 years ago | (#13287590)

I can't believe how many slashdot readers are offensed easily!! random quote : WTF is this? Random crap!! I hate slashdot! You've gone so low! You've lost a reader!! The guy is using a metaphor! He uses a quite common situation, the human pleasure cycle, which is the same (so they say) for every ppl of the same sex, to explain the problem there is with game that gets to difficult after some time, or that finish too rapidly!

Re:Offensed easily (1)

curious.corn (167387) | about 9 years ago | (#13287698)

it's an example of what normal people usually call: "american puritanism"... Americans can go on for hours on guns, pistols, semiautomatic guns, fighter jets, military strategy, cynical geopolitical diatribes, corporate warfare, cutthroat competition and various dog eat dog arguments like "you suck, bum! get a job!" Then all of a sudden sex is mentioned and everyone starts crapping in his pants crying murder and all that... I say, "get a life, I mean, sexual..."

Re:Offensed easily (1)

manno (848709) | about 9 years ago | (#13288093)

Maybe it does have something to do with "american puritanism". I was raised Roman Catholic, so yeah I there was this taboo of bringing the subject up. I hate it when my mom finds out I've been "living" with a girl. It's just an uncomfortable subject in our family.

It's enirely possible that you're right. But I don't know, the way he wrote it up it seems so forced. Like he's trying to get a rise out of his audience. That or fluffing up his feathers in front of the guys. It comes accross like a kid trying to impress us rather than an honest assessment of the situation. To me it just seems lame.


I can talk sex with the girls and the boys, without blushing. But if I open up the NY Times I don't want to see an article about how the housing market is like "an erect penis" or "swelling labia" gag me with a spoon. Almost the same thing applies to slashdot. I like the fact that /. is rough around its edges, but I'd buy a Penthouse Forum if I was looking for graphic content.

Did you honestly want to open up /. and have the top article be about how this guy got bloody knees while he was nose deep in his girls snatch? Well I didn't. If that means I'm "Offensed easily" or full of "american puritanism" than guilty as charged.

Tip for the author, if you want to spend less time on your knees take your time with your women tease them a little. By the time your knees hit the floor they shouldn't be more than a minute or two from finishing anyway. You kids today are all rush rush rush. Remember what SWAT says:

Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.


Re:Offensed easily (1)

cornface (900179) | about 9 years ago | (#13288258)

It's offensive in much the same way that the comedian Gallagher is offensive. It's not obscene, just moronic to the point that it offends me to be in the same, the same world...with it.

I see what you mean.. (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287594)

likewise, playing Doom III felt a lot like being in a darkroom.

Finally... (1)

duhasteifersucht (859131) | about 9 years ago | (#13287601)

A way to relate video games to health class without talking about Lara Croft!

I think you're just a lousy lover (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287649)

The female sexual response cycle appears as a gradual (sometimes maddeningly so) upward slope from excitement to orgasm, with several 'false peaks' in the plateau region. Anyone who's ever performed cunnilingus while kneeling on a hardwood floor can attest to the validity of this representation.

I cannot. My wife comes within less than 5 minutes of us hitting the bed. Every time. Other women I've been with have taken longer, but nothing I'd describe as "maddening".

I think you need to improve your technique, rather than reparadigming games...

The buildup to flow (3, Interesting)

doc modulo (568776) | about 9 years ago | (#13287654)

I personally play Counter-Strike Source online mostly to reach a state of flow [] .
The article talks about the buildup within the game from start to finish.

His ideal buildup is also the best way to gain the altered state of conciousness of flow, although I'm not sure his goal was the same as mine. He was probably just talking about having a smooth experience without unwelcome distractions.

In his view, so as a man, playing video games should be like "playing with a women to reach her orgasm". He literally said he'd like to do the same thing over and over again. In other words, a very long plateau.

I suspect that women, on the other hand, want to play games more like Wario Ware. They get bored more quickly with doing one and the same thing over and over. They'd rather play with one concept, go: "ok I get it, what's next" and then move on to the nose-picking mini-game.

So maybe men would like games to be like female sexual arousal graphs, meaning repetition of comparable experiences to get closer to flow.
And women would like games to be more like male sexual arousal graphs, meaning quick intense fixes of one concept and then moving on the the next.

This is just my personal theory though.

Any women in the audience who can comment on flow and excitement graphs?

P.S. As a man, I figured out how to stay at the plateau level for as long as I want :D

hot coffee anyone? (3, Funny)

Khyron (8855) | about 9 years ago | (#13287658)

I seriously have to wonder if the elegance of this metaphor is lost on an audience most of whose romantic experience has thus far been measured by progress bars with such captions as...


And the flirting too (5, Funny)

chris_mahan (256577) | about 9 years ago | (#13287705)

No wait, I'm serious!!!

The flirting with the girl before, hum, getting wit'it, is like that of the game company saying: Woah, this game is gonna be the greatest! It's got a billion triangles all at once and with great gameplay... You do love great gameplay boy... Mmmm, ah, hehe, but not yet, noooo, not yet, gotta wait a little bit longer... How long? Until the game hits the shelves... When is that you ask? Ooooh naughty gamer, you can't wait can you... Maybe next month!!! Aha! But, hey, when you finally get your sweaty palms on it, you'll love it, yes, you'll love it, so save your money now, 'cuz, this biatching game won't be free, oooooh no suh-ree, this game is gonna cost ya! But hey, you'll love it! You'll see, it will definitely be worth the wait!!! Hey, come on boy, save your money for the game... Until then, you can fantasize about it, fanboi, and we'll keep you interested with sneak-peeks screenshots from GameSpy... Oh you naughty gamer, you can't wait to get your fingers on my awd keys...

Then, when the game is released, it's sort of like getting the girl, who's been all hot-to-trot up to that point into your seedy apartment and then suddenly it's all hard work: Come on, install, come on, I got to upgrade my DirectX before you'll play? Oh, come on, just a quickie game right now... What, my videocard isn't good enough for you? ow ow ow! Dont' say that! Oh, and my memory isn't fast enough? Oh please wait here while I go get it...

(on the way to local geek computer store) Dang, I was so looking forward to this...

(back at the crib, after $300 in expenses all installed in the machine) Oh, finally I get to play!!! Whoo Hooo baby come on!!!

(waching boring video intro) Dang, hey, I know, take your time, take your time, I'm waiting right here!!!

(Starting to play) Oh fuck this game sucks. I can't get any of the fancy moves I was hoping for, instead, I can barely move around and then I get knocked back down and gotta start over...

(trying to return game to store) I'm sorry Sir but there's no refund on opened games...
But, but, it didn't perform! I got cheated! It's a ripoff! I, I...

Store manager: Now son, you go and let these kind of games for the big boys.. Here, let me show you Playstation games...

Ohhh! Shiny packaging...

Note: don't get all excited. It's only a game.
On an aside, this is probably why there aren't too many girl gamers. Different dynamics.

You mean games should be a myth? (2, Funny)

Oz0ne (13272) | about 9 years ago | (#13287740)


Lame. (2, Insightful)

manno (848709) | about 9 years ago | (#13287779)

So lame.

I'm all for frank discussion of sex when relevant (1)

Improv (2467) | about 9 years ago | (#13287791)

But I don't expect Slashdot to have the flavour of overhearing a bunch of drunken fratboys bragging about their latest conquests. I'm glad that Slashdot has the ability to filter out articles posted by particular editors. Zonk? *plonk*

Games should be like female orgasms... (3, Funny)

cicatrix1 (123440) | about 9 years ago | (#13287824)

... and not discussed on slashdot?

I thought they already were. (2, Funny)

xerxesVII (707232) | about 9 years ago | (#13287831)

Fictional, I mean.

Wow dirty (2, Funny)

Devir (671031) | about 9 years ago | (#13287877)

I'll say this was a real shock when i opened up the browesr to a normally clean site.
But I can see what the submitter was getting at. Most games start out slow, then bam you're tossed into this massive extended climax with no pause to rest.
A good game and story would start slow, hit some exciting points, relax abit, then burst with a full and exciting climax then calm again and cuddle you after complete the game.

Re:Wow dirty (1)

iwan-nl (832236) | about 9 years ago | (#13288190)

A real shock you say? You poor, poor boy. You must have been brainwashed by some evil force.

Waambulance!!1 (0)

Lonin (876821) | about 9 years ago | (#13287911)

A bit ironic that a userbase that strongly supports anti-censorship and internet control has so many people "offended" by this topic. If there's ever a topic involving orgasms again, make sure it contains Microsoft basing and Linux advertisments. I'm sure it will go over much better.

Re:Waambulance!!1 (1)

mbelly (827938) | about 9 years ago | (#13287989)

Throw in a random "Google" for good measure.

Plateau (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 9 years ago | (#13287962)

...with several 'false peaks' in the plateau region.

The transition from excitement to plateau in men is rather rapid, represented by a near-vertical line. The plateau stage is then almost horizontal

One surefire way to make yourself look like a complete and utter fucking moron is to use a word you don't know the meaning of in an idiotic attempt to make yourself look smart.

The word "plateau" means a level area, you dumbass. You can't have peaks in a plateau and describing a plateau as horizontal is like describing a mountain as big - completely redundant and if you know what the word "mountain" means.

I got a forty dollar bill... (1)

jpatters (883) | about 9 years ago | (#13287987)

"I couldn't say where its comin' from, but I just played a game called Dinah-Moe Humm..."

Thanks... (1)

Evro (18923) | about 9 years ago | (#13288105)

Thanks for the "nws" story, Slashdot!

to me, they already are (1)

Flunitrazepam (664690) | about 9 years ago | (#13288113)

I no longer give a shit about videogames either

wow (1)

MisterMoney (615506) | about 9 years ago | (#13288149)

i got a little horny just reading the intro for this.

Don't forget to wash your hands... (1)

Saeed al-Sahaf (665390) | about 9 years ago | (#13288229)

The bathroom is down the hall. Please wash your hands before you, er, come back.

Games and Orgasms, learning from each other (1)

buback (144189) | about 9 years ago | (#13288217)

Best Slashdot story ever
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