Universal Lands Rights To Asteroids Movie 194
It seems Universal Studios has won the highly sought-after movie rights to the 1979 Atari game Asteroids. Disney's Matthew Lopez will be writing the adaptation, having previously worked on the scripts for Bedtime Stories, The Sorcerer's Apprentice and Race to Witch Mountain. The NY Times is skeptical about Hollywood's ability to do right by the 30-year-old game, already imagining what a director like Michael Bay would do with it: "In this $300 million, three-and-a-half hour spectacle, loud and expensive computer simulations of large boulders crashing into one another are briefly interrupted by the hilarious antics of Chip and Gravel, two living rocks with gold teeth who speak in hip-hop slang, and the nonstop shouting of John Turturro."
Black & White goodness (Score:5, Funny)
Sounds like a winner to me!!!
Re:Black & White goodness (Score:5, Funny)
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It will be the first feature film done entirely in vector graphics. I can't wait.
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blowing up aliased circles
Fixed that for you.
Re:Black & White goodness (Score:5, Funny)
I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Fixed that for you.
Bay Splosions! (Score:4, Funny)
Michael Bay would do with it: "In this $300 million, three-and-a-half hour spectacle, loud and expensive computer simulations of large boulders crashing into one another ...
Asteroids crashing into each other ... possibly causing BAYSPLOSIONS [youtube.com]!?
P.S. I feel a little guilty re-using the same thing [slashdot.org] from last week but you know what they say--fight fire with fire!
Re:Bay Splosions! (Score:4, Funny)
I was seriously just thinking about that. (Score:4, Insightful)
Man, I was seriously just thinking about how great/stupid it would be to make a game out of asteroids last night. Seriously, the game had no story line, so you could be as creative as you wanted, but the movie would likely have NOTHING to do with the game other than the title and a few really crappy circumstances to call for a ship blowing up asteroids.
Re:I was seriously just thinking about that. (Score:5, Insightful)
So in other words, they already made this movie and it was called Armageddon.
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Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back???
I mean even the ship was the same shape, and you had the little ship that you were trying to find?
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creativity? (Score:3, Interesting)
When was the last time a creative movie came from Hollywood? A regurgitation of a tired cliches with spectacular effects and spin-off trinkits is more likely. The hero, a (wo)?man who overcame unjust adversity, saves the day by combining natural talent with dogged individuality while wearing ray-bans and drinking red bull.
sigh.
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answering your question, any time quentin tarantino makes a movie.
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By "coming from Hollywood" I guess you mean something that's an original script, and not an adaptation.
So after reading your post I started to think about every movie I've enjoyed lately and either they were Hollywood-produced adaptions of other works (Iron Man, TDK, LotR) or not Hollywood-produced at all (Let the right one in).
Bah.
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tired cliches with spectacular effects and spin-off trinkits is more likely.
Which is why DVRs and Turner Classic Movies is so great.
Instead of brain-jellowing crap, they (some, though, are more gender-specific or age-relevant than others) watch movies like North By Northwest, the 1948 Three Musketeers, any Marx Brothers movie, Lassie Come Home, National Velvet, Bringing Up Baby, the 1930s Perry Mason movies, Flipper, Father Of The Bride etc, etc.
In a year or so, I'll be introducing my oldest to movies like
archetypal hero envy... (Score:2)
Agreed, even the New Testament played it to death:). But tracing isn't drawing, even when it looks better.
Re:I was seriously just thinking about that. (Score:5, Funny)
Well, among other things if you want to stay true to the original game, every time a character disappears off one edge of the screen, they must immediately reappear at the opposite edge of the screen.
Re:I was seriously just thinking about that. (Score:5, Funny)
Well, among other things if you want to stay true to the original game, every time a character disappears off one edge of the screen, they must immediately reappear at the opposite edge of the screen.
And the following must happen at least once:
CAPTAIN: "Fire!"
CREWMAN: "Sir, we can't - our last shot hasn't hit anything yet!"
Pretty good game based on being the Asteroid (Score:2, Interesting)
Awhile back a guy did a game from the perspective of the Asteroid, it was pretty funny, and actually pretty fun:
http://www.kongregate.com/games/AdamSchroeder/asteroids-revenge-iii-crash-to-survive
Re:I was seriously just thinking about that. (Score:4, Insightful)
In some versions there were also aliens you could shoot for more points. Was it ever explained in the game why the ship was shooting asteroids? Or who the aliens were? Or where the asteroid field was? Or, indeed, anything back-story related? Surely you don't need to license anyone's IP to make a film which involves a ship shooting at asteroids.
How can this be anything but lame? (Score:5, Interesting)
There are many better games to make movies from. (Deus Ex, Thief, Zelda, Golden Axe, heck - even Pitfall or Pac Man would be better).
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You just want to see the male protagonist walk into the womens restroom and then get quietly chided by his boss.
Re:How can this be anything but lame? (Score:4, Informative)
heck - even Pitfall or Pac Man would be better
Uh oh, now you've done it. Here's the preview for Pac Man [collegehumor.com]. Although, personally I liked minesweeper [youtube.com] more.
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"There are many better games to make movies from. (Deus Ex, Thief, Zelda, Golden Axe, heck - even Pitfall or Pac Man would be better)."
Dude, you're forgetting one thing - this is Hollywood making a movie out of a game. It matters little how good the original game was, the result will always be bad.
I've not seen a lot of them, but in the world of game-to-movie conversions I think that Mortal Kombat was the only half decent effort; and even that still made for eye watering viewing throughout most of it.
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Re:How can this be anything but lame? (Score:4, Insightful)
What baffles me is that anybody paid money for the rights.... to what, exactly? There's no plot, no characters. Just a premise (aka "idea", which cannot be copyrighted), and a trademark: "Asteroids". All they're getting for their money is pile of middle-aged goodwill/nostalgia attached to the name.
The good news is that this movie has the potential to be far better than the new Mighty Transformin' Power Rangers film TFA is making fun of, because there's so much room to add a story. The bad news is that they probably won't, or the one they add will suck.
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I'm sure the folks at the Onion are kicking themselves for not thinking of this themselves.
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I would so much love to see a movie based on Castle Wolfenstein! The atmosphere of that game would make for a terrific sci-fi/horror.
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I like the idea of universal land rights on asteroids. Though I think an educational movie explaining it my be a little boring.
Backyard Movie Director.... (Score:5, Funny)
I could make a box office killing filming myself getting rid of centipedes in my backyard, using a BB gun.
Now to go and secure the rights.....
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Re:Backyard Movie Director.... (Score:4, Funny)
Dig Dug: The Movie
In a world of passion, intrigue, cold steel and compressed air, there can be only one question:
DO YOU DIG IT?
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Just s long as you don't release it on the same weekend as my directorial debut "Dig Dug: The Movie."
So..... Was that the trailer for your movie that I once saw on Robot Chicken?
David Spade mode on (Score:4, Funny)
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The same name as a proctology training film about treating patients with constipation.
Wait, astroids? (Score:5, Interesting)
Are we talking about the game where you had a little ship and you blew up computerized rocks? This would be the game with absolutely no back story, no plot, no "end game"....
On second thought, this sounds exactly like a Hollywood classic.
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Well, then it'll be a perfect gig for Uwe Boll [imdb.com] to do then. :-P
Cheers
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Well, Asteroids did inspire a song:
Asteroids all over me, don't know where to run,
I'm somewhere between the moon and the sun
I'm in command of three ships and there's more on the way
I'm a space cadet, I can really play!
Hyperspace,
Push on the button and I'm back in the race,
Hyperspace,
Shootin' my rockets all over the place,
I'm invisible now, but I'll be back again,
Gonna kick in the thrust, 'cause I just gotta win, I just gotta win,
There's a ship on the rise and he's shootin' at me,
I rotate my ship on the count of three
I fire and shoot and blow him out of the sky
Push on the button and wave bye-bye
Hyperspace,
Push on the button and I'm back in the race,
Hyperspace,
Shootin' my rockets all over the place,
I'm invisible now, but I'll be back again,
Gonna kick in the thrust, 'cause I just gotta win, I just gotta win...
Other than that, they'll need to license the theme from Jaws.
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For max score shoot the Saucers (Score:2)
You reduce the rocks to a minimal interference then shoot as many UFO's as you can.
http://strategywiki.org/wiki/Asteroids/Walkthrough [strategywiki.org]
So this is going to be a space battle movie.
Actualy, I think they are going to blow it. Make space really small and have a dense set of rocks and lots of collisions.
Real money (Score:5, Funny)
I bet the real money's gonna come from the iPhone app based on the movie.
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I bet the real money's gonna come from the iPhone app based on the movie.
I can see it now. To turn your ship, you have to use the 3GS's new compass mechanism, so you'll see iphone users spinning in circles, looking at their phone and saying "pew, pew!"
Coming soon: Tetris, the movie! (Score:4, Interesting)
Hey, if it's half as good as Tetris: The Movie [youtube.com] I'll probably go see it.
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Tetris can't possible compare to the intense drama that was Solataire the Movie [youtube.com]
I don't know what is more ludicrous (Score:2, Redundant)
Somebody buying the right, or someone concern about doing "right by the 30-year-old game,".
Seriously, doing right? it's a fucking shoot the rocks line drawn game. Don't get me wrong, I dropped plenty of money in the machine and had a good time playing it, but please.
I wuold love to see Bay do this movie. Maybe a story about a team that's supposed to clear the way for the minug crew. ON the way some bad ass aliens decide to blow them up, and they ahve to outsmart them.
It could just eb an alien shoot em up; w
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Michael Bay, the Andrew Lloyd Webber of Hollywood.
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That'd be "vector graphics," you damned whippersnapper.
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Or maybe while trying to do repairs on a frozen planet a tyrannical government attacks and the hero's are forced to flee before repairs are complete. Once in space they find an asteroid field to hide in but are chased by other ships, and must maneuver around and shoot asteroids. Maybe throw in a giant worm to add excitement and danger.
No, wait, this could work (Score:5, Funny)
They'd have to change their revenue model, though. Instead of walking up to the movie theater and paving $10 (or more) for a ticket to watch ALL of the movie, you pay $.25 and then get to watch the first 3 minutes of the movie. Want more movie? Pay another quarter. And another. And another. And another.
There, that'd REALLY replicate the experience of Asteroids on the big-screen.
This Enders Game (etc)?? (Score:3, Insightful)
If this gets made into a movie before something like Enders Game, I'm giving up completely on HollyWood.
I'm tired of seeing horrible movie after horrible movie come out, when there are fantastic stories waiting to be made into great movies (or, be done horribly, I'll concede).
Video game movies just don't work.
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I see no reason to assume that your childhood is representative of everyone's.
ET? (Score:5, Funny)
Just as long as they don't make a movie out of that ET the Extra-Terrestrial Atari game. That one sucked!
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I dunno - Asteroids is pretty hard to mess up - movie tie in might be an opportunity for a budding designer out there ;).
Why rip John Turtorro? (Score:2)
Pong the Movie! (Score:4, Funny)
Bruce Willis: More english! More english! Yeeeeaaaahh....
[Bruce leaps to safety as paddle explodes in fireball]
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Pong, eh? I know some excellent storyboards [penny-arcade.com] for that screenplay.
And we certainly can't discuss classic arcade game adaptations without mentioning the critically acclaimed Frogger trilogy [theonion.com].
Re:Pong the Movie! (Score:5, Funny)
The Preview:
"In a world gone mad..."
Bruce: There are two sides to this!
Samuel L. Jackson: Dammit, I know how to play the game!
"People cry out for justice..."
Vin Diesel: When it comes at you, you better be ready.
Uma Thurman: I'll send it right back at them!
"and there is only one way to turn..."
Patrick Stewart: Is there any point to this back and forth?
Joe Pesci: The point is to win, and I hate to lose.
[action music, explosions, car chases, screen fades to black]
Pong! (comming this summer to a theater near you)
[boop... boop... be-boop...]
Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here (Score:2)
Hollywood is really stuck for ideas. They've used up all the classic fables. They've used up the better cartoon characters. They've gone though the action figures. ("Transformers 2?" Coming up next, "GI Joe") The better video games have been done.
Every once in a while there's a successful original ("Up" being the latest example) but that's rare.
Top 10 Game To Movies Film (Rotten Tomatoes) (Score:5, Informative)
You know, with odds like this the popcorn fun will come from watching how badly it bombs at box office.
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Seeing as how 3 of those movies on the list have sequels also on that list, I don't think these movies are bombing at the box office. Critically, yes, but they have to be making their money back if they keep making sequels to them.
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And the list of movies to games is also going to have a huge amount of turkeys on it. I guess cynical cheap media tie-ins to get the impulse buyers is more profitable than doing things right.
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Hollywood isn't about making good movies, it's about making movies that make money. A game movie has a recognised brand and so gets people turning up at the cinema in the first week (when the studios get close to 100% of the ticket price) because they recognise the name; same with sequels.
For the record, I enjoyed the Resident Evil series. As long as you remember to turn your brain off before starting to watch them, they're fun. I only played one of the games, briefly at a friend's house, and found it
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LORD would make a better movie (Score:3, Funny)
Legend of the Red Dragon, of course. It could be the only movie where the badass hero gets a vd from the babe.
Actually, maybe that wouldn't make a good movie either.
If you've been in denial all this time: (Score:2)
Instead of Asteroids (Score:2)
I guess the problem is that today's movie executives grew up watching TV, playing video games, and reading comic books, instead of visiting a library.
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D'Oh! Right. Sorry Anne, wherever you are.
Do I at least get any part marks for choosing a female SF author with a prefixed name, (who was born in the same country, at about the same time)?
I don't know... (Score:2)
Let's make this into a game (Score:2)
Ok. Try to come up with a video game - any video game - that would have a dumber movie premise. Go ahead. There are plenty of posts about this with people saying "no way this has to be a joke". So let's try to top Hollywood here. Let's try to come up with something even dumber. Classic arcade or modern game, doesn't matter.
We've already seen Pong in this thread. That's a good one. Post more like that. Something dumber than Asteroids: The Movie.
If you can.
I'll start the bidding with Marble Ma
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Frogger. There's just no way to make that movie that doesn't involve a frog.
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Lunar Lander.
Tempest
I would say Gyrus but it would have a great sound track if the producers of RollerBall didn't sue you. Yes I am kidding...
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Minesweeper.
Solitaire.
Oooh, solitaire. THAT's a good one.
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Meh, those explosions sucked. They need some Baysplosions.
Still, it's better than the last movie I saw.
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Gorillas. [youtube.com]
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Peggle.
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I'd have suggested Minesweeper but theres a pretty good mock trailer on YouTube. Although the microsoft arcade games
Stanley Kubrick (Score:5, Funny)
The end could be a 20 minute pyrotechnic hallucination, where we - the viewer - no longer understand if the little ship or the rocks themselves are the protgaganist - Haley Joel Osment could stand in as a lost teenager, piloting the ship - never knowing why he is shooting the rocks, or even if he is human. On the side of his ship is painted the words "Me love you long time...", being both a metaphor and a literal phrase of what the ship is doing to the rocks.
Later, we found out that a secret sex cult has arranged the rocks to bang into each other for the pleasure of its sadistic members, who wear masks shaped like big asteroids. Lee Ermey marches in and screams "what is your major malfunction, did mommy and daddy not show you enough love?" to the cult. and of course, the movie ends with a Malcom McDowell voiceover while we see Jack Nicholson frozen in place on the asteroid surface.
Oh Stanley - had you only been here to do it!
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Dude didn't I see you at the last Dead Concert?
No really man you got a hold of some primo stuff.
And the problem is...? (Score:2)
In this $300 million, three-and-a-half hour spectacle, loud and expensive computer simulations of large boulders crashing into one another are briefly interrupted by the hilarious antics of Chip and Gravel, two living rocks with gold teeth who speak in hip-hop slang, and the nonstop shouting of John Turturro.
And the problem with this would be... what? It's a frigging video game, for gods' sake!
Pong (Score:2)
I'll sell you the right to PONG for $2.5 million.
That is sure to be a box-office hit too.
Minesweeper : The Movie (Score:2)
just as long as... (Score:2)
2D (Score:5, Interesting)
The story is told from the point-of-view of the spacecraft's pilot. But it's a two-dimensional universe, so the pilot sees nothing, because the lines he's looking at have no depth.
Let's grant some creative license and assume that the lines can be seen by the pilot. His field of view is just a line, with line segments on it. He needs to rotate around, looking at line segments. If a line segment appears to be getting longer over time, it could mean that an asteroid is approaching, or it could be that the larger part of an asteroid is just rotating into view. He fires at it, and the line segment breaks into two line segments, one of which is getting bigger, but drifting to the right, while the other gets smaller and smaller, apparently receding. Or, maybe they're entirely different objects, it's hard to tell.
The pilot pushes the thrust button. Some of the line segments shift their positions, some get longer, some get shorter. He realizes that moving around just makes things more difficult to keep track of, and that it's better to stay in one place and rotate quickly. But it's a lesson that's come too late; he's moving, and it's hard to stop. He could spin around 180 degrees and try to slowly thrust to a stop, but that means losing vision in the direction he's moving for too long. So he lays into the rotation control and starts firing blindly. That, too, is a bad move; soon the line segments are everywhere. And now, because there is so much variety in their absolute sizes, it's impossible to tell how close each one actually is. It might be a small one about to smash into him, or it might be a big one far away.
Suddenly, two line segments of about equal size converge. But they don't appear to be a threat because the converged segment is moving harmlessly to the right. Suddenly, the segment becomes two, and the truth becomes sickeningly clear: an asteroid moving laterally past his field of vision was concealing another asteroid coming right at him. He tries to rotate into firing position, but it's too late. He's only been on the board for ten excruciating seconds, but at last his mission is over.
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Well, what about Tron? Is it sufficient just to "mention" Tron? Tron. There, I mentioned it. It has been mentioned.
Of course, if you see anything particularly relevant about Tron, feel free to take up the mantle yourself and contribute your thoughts about Tron vis a vis the doomed Asteroid movie.
Do right by what??? (Score:2)
If there's one game that is completely geared for the average Hollywood scriptwriter, it's Asteroids.
(Background noise: bommmmp bommmmp bommmp)
SHIP: Pew pew pew!
ASTEROID: BOOM! CRASH!
SHIP: Pew pew pew pew pew!
ASTEROID: BANG! BAM! BOOM!
SHIP: Pew pew pew!
ASTEROID: BOOMF! BOOM! KERBLOOIE!
(Background noise increases pace: bomp bomp bomp bomp)
UFO: Wooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo!
SHIP: Woosh! Pew pew pew! Woosh!
UFO: Wooo Ooo Ooo! Pewwww! Pewwww! Woo Ooo!
SHIP: Pew! Woosh! Pew pew! Woosh! Pew!
(Background noise even faster: bo
I Wonder (Score:2)
That !@#$%^ UFO (Score:2)
If ever there is a lull in the action, that goddamn mini-UFO will be all over the protagonist!
Re:What's next? (Score:4, Funny)
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Technically, Deep Impact was released first, so he must be talking about that movie.
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Actually, it's just your post that is affected by the dangling sarcasm.